We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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