I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize