Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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