You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
