Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
as a side note pls kill me
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
