drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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