Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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