So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
