I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
