My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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