I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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