Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
