I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
