the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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