I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
