I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
tonight lets celebrate not being married
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
