you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
