if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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