I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
