Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
