Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
