Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Randomize
