final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize