god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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