Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
