I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
