Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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