I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
