I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
