life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Randomize
