i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
