your room smells of hookers.
And success
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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