Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
