You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
