I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
