if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
