Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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