i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
