You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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