just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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