i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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