Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
you guys were way drunker than both of me
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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