Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
