after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
