I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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