I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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