He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
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