Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
