you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
