I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
