I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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