On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You were trust falling into bushes
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
