I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
