hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
