Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
There's even glitter on my cock...
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