I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize