He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
