Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
